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| DAMAGED pt. 2: From Pink Panties, to the Pink PartySo, back to the Panty Party.. I really felt over prepared. I mean, I'm glad that I looked on point-but come on people! This is Pride weekend? Put some effort into it, right? Or not? Maybe these guys were putting effort into it, but all I saw were pale and sickly looking bodies, and chonchones that looked like sad limp sails on an ocean with no wind. Front or back. 
Jose and Brian were gracious enough to give me my own bed in the hotel room, and they took an air mattress, and Kevin and Robert had their own bed. I forget that I snore. OOOPS. LMAO, sorry bitches. I looked too fucking hot, and I was too tired to care. Whoo cares??? LMFAO.
Anyhow, after we got up on Saturday, we quickly had to drop off Kevin and Robert to their new hotel, and then we drove to Oakland to the condo. THe drive was convoluted because we missed the exit, but I didnt care because we stopped at Nations BUrger in Oakland. I have much love for the Nations in Daly City, and Nations DC will always hold a place in my heart for sustenance and laughter when Im with my cousins... But Nations Oakland? OMG. It was like an Oasis. It was cool and dark on a hot summer day, and it was super clean! I had a double cheeseburger-no mayo, and the new cashier boy was super cute. Poor thing was all at the register and Ole Mama was over his shoulder practically holding his index finger telling him what buttons to press. The food was much needed, and then we made it to Steve's condo.
Lmao. The owner's name was Steve. I got the BEAUTIFUL master bedroom. The whole apartment was gorgeous, but the master was something out of West Elm. I even had my own bath. ***side note***, I hate traveling with people who arent family. What if I need to fart? How thin are these walls? What if I fart in my sleep? I need to take a note from Richard and start taking Beano and GasX everywhere. Its time to start giving a fuck about these things now that I'm single.
Anyhoo... the room I was in was GORGEOUS, the wall were painted tangerine and lemon sorbet. The beddings were white linen and goosedown. I should have fallen asleep like a baby right? WRONG. Those colors are very ENERGIZING. i thought I was tweaking. Plus, it was SO hot in the bay! It felt over 90 degrees in that room, and there was no kind of air going on. I think I just lay there for a bit and sweated some vodka onto the sheets. A sauna is the same as a nap, right?
So we all get up and get kinda dressed to meet up with some of B's friends for some Irish Coffee Pub. OMG. Me and Jose's vain asses decide we need to take some water pills because we are all bloated from the night before. Did you know that the Irish Pub is by Pier 39 and is super touristy? I thought I was gonna die. I ended up peeing hobostatus in the corner of the parking garage on some Mercury Minivan. Jose peed in a half full PowerAde bottle. I hope hobos dont get thirsty. LOL
So we go meet up with the Pilots (Who also happen to be bayots) and Robert and Kev, and we sit and have drinks. B LOOOOVES those things LOL I think he had like five or six. MEANWHILE guess who shows up? NAM. Nam and some lesbons who are friends with B. Awkward story? NAM and B are EXBoyfriends! It was awkwad because I didnt know if Nam knew about me and JR, and it was awkward because all the Lesbons and Nam all sat at a different table.
When Nam caught a smoke outside, we touched base, and he already knew because he had talked to JR at the gym earlier. We all parted ways, and then it was onto the PINK PARTY. We all went over to the Pilots hotel, which was called the Good Hotel. It was a small room, but it was nice-nice because it was decorated real modern-but more importantly the whole hotel was GREEN. Everything in the room was made of recycled or reclaimed materials, and even the toilet flushed with water that was reclaimed from the sink. Cool huh? So yeah, we all get ready- and poor Pilots..
Jose had told them it was a Pink Party and everyone had to wear pink. So, the Pilots went out and BOUGHT PINK SHIRTS!!! Fucked up right? LOLOLOLOL FURTHERMORE, me and Jose and B had all COINCIDENTALLY were wearing Turquoise shirts. ROFLMAO!!!! Pretty much we were like My Little Ponys. So we are walking down to the Muni, and I've NEVER EVER taken public transport in my life. Im so scared to do it, right? I could barely handle the Monorail system at Walt Disney World. So we go down, and we have to get quarters for the turnstile. In the middle of the Muni Station is a crazy ass black hobo who is shouting at everyone, calling girls strippers and telling them to make it rain so he can stuff his pockets, and all other kinds of words stung together that didnt make sentences. It was TERRIFYING. Well, he actually was kinda funny, but his ODOR was TERRIFYING. Worst BO EVER.
So like, Im at the damn terminal trying to get quarters, and HOBO was shouting up a storm, and because I was already lightweight buzzing, I felt like I was losing my mind. I kept pressing the wrong button and I ended up buying five BART tickets instead of getting a 2 dollar Muni ticket. I was all, "OMG Jose HELP! This hobo is making me lose my mind! I dont know how to get quarters and I cant think over his shouting!"
So Jose comes over and tries to help me, and then Hobo comes over and starts preaching.. and then some of his SPITTLE flew off and landed on JOSE's NECK!!!! LMFAOOO I thought Jose was gonna DIE. Shit, i thought I was gonna die of laughter and disgust! Anyways, we end up getting the quarters and getting the hell downstairs to the train. The trains were PACKED. I was scared that the trains were over capacitated. We were literally like SARDINES. I had to hold onto the top bars and the Boys held on to me because there was no room to grab anything else! Thankfully we were let off in two stops...
Let off into MAYHEM. Dude, there was a bazillion people out. It was so chaotic and there was wayy too much stimulation for me to enjoymyself. We were headed over to the Castro theatre to meet up with Jose & Mike's friend... Tai... At the Good Hotel, I had told Mikey that I had better be getting some play-because the Panty party was a bust-it would be a SERIOUS blow to my self esteem if I didnt get any play at the Pink Party. Mikey had mentioned that We were meeting up with thier friend Tai, and I would like him because he was GORGEOUS. And I was all, yeah but would he even like me? And Mikey said yes because he likes Buff Boys.
Meanwhile.. as we walk up to meet him, Mikey tells me "Oh yeah, he only usually likes guys that dont like him back". UHM WTF? Im recently single, and I dont know how to play these games. ??? Anyhoo...we walk up.. and he is GORGEOUS. About 5'8, LOOKS like a light complected Tyson Beckford, eyes and smile and everything. OMG. So, of course im trying to play cool. I mean, i know I look good too right? And I see that he sees me, and I see him checking out the arms and the cakes, so I play it cool right? We head out for drinks and cash and whatever, and its really easy for me to play aloof because there is so much CRAZY going on in the streets around me. Nonetheless, Tai is nonchalantly brushing up against my arm, hand going on my shoulder to guide me through the crowd. U know.. pretty promising bodylanguage, que no?
So we end up drinking at Mix bar, and its cool. Good times, good drinks, good people. Tai has to dig out bcuz he has work, and me Jose and B end up going to an afterparty and Mikey goes home. The afterparty was whatevs, and had a weird negative vibe, but Jose got SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO smashed. B had said he had never seen Jose so gone. Me and B carry him, and we get a cab to take us back to the hotel to get our car. We get in the car, and I drive us back to Oakland. Thank god for my iPhone's gps. So on the drive, B tells me how he and Nam were boyfriends. WAYYYY back in the day. Its so weird. So funny. Such a small world. I totally remember back in the day when me and Nam were close, and he was telling me about this boy in Lemoore. That boy? B!!! Its just so weird how everyone is so connected, u know?
Back in Oakland, I am so fucking hammered. I am so smart when I drive, but as soon as we hit safety all sobriety is out the window. Jose was passed out on the bed, and Im naked on my bed and B knocks on my door. OMG HELP! The bed that they were on had COLLAPSED in the bedframe and he needed help fixing it. We tried for a good 15 minutes, but the bed was fucked. Jose continued to be passed out on a slanted ass bed, and Brian slept on the couch. Poor thing! He should have just slept with me because I was all sprawled out like a starfish on a rock on the lovely and luxurious queen bed with six feather pillows. :D My spoiled ass!
***to be continued***
Up Next: Brunch @ Lime
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| DAMAGEDSo, its the end of the week, and in exactly a week's time I've gone to an underwear party, broke up a bar fight, had a boy pass out after I kissed him, thought I was dancing with one person at a bar--but in fact there were five people who looked the same--I just couldn't tell them apart, had SunDay Fun Day at Lime, Helped my cousin Jessica Move, got a speeding ticket, contracted SwineFlu, been Quarantined, and I just cut off a friend.
Where do I begin?
I've been... handling the breakup relatively okay. Im lying. I haven't. I feel so lonely and isolated. I really feel like I have no one to talk to about it. For a while I was nauseous most of the day. Forcing myself to drink protein shakes and eat peanut butter. I would just feel so goddamn SAD. I felt that since I was the one that decided to move out, everyone expected me to be all HappyGoLucky... or some shit like that. I don't know. I've never done anything like this before, so I didn't know what, I guess, you are supposed to do, say, feel, or how you are supposed to act. I just felt so utterly alone.
I moved back home with my mom and dad in my old bedroom. Im on a twin sized mattress that I have a suspicion I exceed the maximum weight limit. My mom and dad really havent said much about the breakup. My third day home my mom asked me if we were fighting. I told her no, and that it just wasnt working. Thats the best version of truth that I could have given her.
As far as Jess and Michelle... i feel like we have to live in this award bubble of ignorance. they both have made it clear that because JR has been in the family for so long... its very hard for them not to care about what happens to him regardless of what happens between the two of us... and I understand that. But it leaves me feeling even more lonely.
Like who am I supposed to talk to? Who am i supposed to talk to about Steve? About Just Me? About what Im scared of, what I'm feeling. Why I did it. Why I was so unhappy?
... meanwhile back at the gym. Ive been killing myself. Its really the only time I feel normal. I had just been so miserable and isolated when Im by myself-exercise is the only thing that would make me feel "normal'. When Im with clients, everything gets shoved to the back and I just work....
***to be continued***
So word spreads that I'm single... but I dont think Im quite ready to mingle. I realize that I'm really naive. I cant tell when people are hitting on me... and by the time I figure it out its already far too late. I dont even know if Im ready to date anyways...
That being said... Jose heard that I was single, and invited me to join him and Brian to San Francisco Gay Pride. The last time I went to Pride was a big debacle with Sam&Joey circa 17 years old. A friend of thiers had a two bedroom two bath condo in Oakland, and they said I was more than welcome to come with. That weekend it was supposed to be a ME & JR weekend, but I chose not to. I know, its fucked up. I know that if me and JR are supposed to try and make it work, then we gotta make time right?
But after all of this, I just want some time to be unapologetically ME.
So here's the Agenda: Friday Night: Underworld (underwear party), Saturday-Pink Party in the Castro, Sunday- brunch at Lime, then the Festival, then Bar on Church. Monday: help Jessica Move.
Underworld: Holy lord, I was scared shitless for this... I was scared I was gonna be the biggest whale ever. So I did my usual no carbing + tanning, and I got some water pills. I drove Tyra up Friday. I met up early with Jess and we had some bomb ass sushi at this joint nearby her new spot. Her new spot is in China town, so we did some really good shopping on the cheap. I got some earrings for a dollar, and she found this pretty sick jacket at Goodwill which is some Japanese designer brand or somethings.. >shrug<
After our buys, we went back to Jess's so I could catch some beauty sleep. I dont know whats wrong with me, why Im so emotionally retarded... but I really wanted to talk to Jess about how I felt about the whole break up... but mentally I couldnt come up with anything. On the inside I was dying, but I couldnt find the words or ideas to express anything about how lonely I've been. .. so I just slept... and in an hour it was time for me to meet up with the boys.
Brian and Jose had come from the US vs. China Volleyball game, and we all met up at Robert & Kevin's hotel room. Jose's friend Mike (BooBoo) met up too to bring Jose some boots. OMG. Hilarz. I must say I looked realy good in my hot pink chonechones. They looked really good with my tan and my Nike Hi Tops. We all liquored up, and called a cab. Nice how there was a debut in the lobby? LOL thanks. Anyhow, the cab driver is telling me about his wife from Bicol, and before you know it we are there.
OMG. Such a disappointment. I was shook for a WEEK about this damn party. I was literally the hottest guy there. :( I was so disappointed. Me and B literally RAN to the bar to drown my sorrows and his anxiety, and before u know it I was dancing around like a fool. Its amazing what a little bit of alcohol will do for your mood. Apparantly I was in a good mood too. According to my friends... I did ALOT of community service that night. I remember making out with two fug guys. Apparantly there were 10. LMAO. Anyhow.... the party was over quick, and us fat girls headed over to ihop to grab some grub. I had a double cheeseburger. Red Meat was the theme for my Pride Weekend..
****to be continued**** | | |
| Just SteveIm back home at my mom's house. Back in my old room.
Lonely... Confused. Sick to my stomach most of the time.
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| Sick to my Stomach... i think this is it. We talked about separation last night.
We didnt finish the convo.. but i think this is it.
I've been sick to my stomach all day. | | |
| My marriageIs in shambles.
I just want to ball up and die. Like the polar bear in Earth.
Should I just walk away? Cut my losses? Is there anything left? | | |
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